5 Ways I’ve learned to connect with my heart.
I’ve always been heady. My mind would race with scenarios and possibilities. The lions share of those thoughts would focus on negative outcomes. This seemed like a gift of mine, I was able to see where things could fail. I found pride in locating all the landmines on the road ahead. What I didn’t realize was this “gift” was actually a curse. It trapped me into a narrow path of limited possibilities.
In my personal life, this has been most challenging in my relationship with my girlfriend. She has been my grounding rod. A life-long yogi, acupuncturist and nomad, she navigates life from the heart. Going with the flow and staying present in the moment. For years, my limited perspective on a path forward has stagnated our relationship. Despite the love, I couldn’t see a clear path forward that didn’t involve a perceived roadblock. I was looking for a relationship with flow, and I didn’t realize that I was the obstruction to that flow.
Early in our relationship she, would often tell me to “drop into your heart,” to which I would toss back a quizzical look. I didn’t understand what that meant. How do I do that? When will I know when I’m there? Am I weird for not understanding this? My head would race looking for an answer to how I “drop in.”
Heart? Sure, I feel it. It’s in my chest, it gets tight here and there but does “drop in” simple mean to feel the heart more?
I found the answer by quieting my mind. Shutting my eyes until I could deeply feel my heart. Feeling its warmth, safety, power. The more I felt, rather than think about the process, the deeper I would go, the calmer I began to feel. Once I could settle in to this deeper place my thoughts were clearer, my anxious mind would relax and trust in a deeper wisdom.
I’d love to share with you that I navigate my days better now that I’ve found my heart-space, but that would be untrue. I still spend far too much time in my head, but there is a new awareness of where I’m operating from. When I find myself in my head, I reach for the best way to drop back in.
Here are 5 ways I’ve learned to access my heart on a more regular basis.
1. Physical touch — We all know this one, hug your partner, pet the cat, kiss their head. The easiest way to drop into the heart is with a physical touch that isn’t sexual. For me, this is a good strong hug with my girlfriend.
2. Breath — The in through the nose and out through the mouth (4–7–8 breathing) works so well. At first I would do this rapidly and get lightheaded. Simple slow and intentional breathing does the trick nearly every time.
3. Mantra — This can be a phrase or simply holding an intention to “drop in” for the next 10 minutes of whatever activity you’re doing. Some examples are “I am grateful,” “my heart is open,” “all is well.” For me, I use the word “abundance,” to remind myself that my hear operates from a place of possibility, not limitation.
4. Mindfulness Meditation — Sit comfortably, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Focus on the feeling of air moving in and out of your nose, around your mouth, down into your lungs, expanding them with each breath. Practice the awareness of what is racing within the mind, notice it. There is no need to fix anything here, you aren’t broken.
5. Meditation Music — I love this tool to quickly drop me from my mind back into my heart. Headphones are optional but encouraged for optimal effectiveness!
While I love the use of psychedelics, they are a shortcut and only a shortcut. When I’m lost in the woods and can’t find a way out, psychedelics tease me with a map. They show me how the woods are laid out, and how everything comes together. It all makes sense, unfortunately I can’t take the map with me and once I’m back in the woods I’m only left with a vague memory of what I saw. That’s psychedelics for me.
By contrast, operating from the heart space is a practice in knowing and trusting. I think of it as an inner compass. There is no “lost in the wood,” when operating from the heart. That deep inner-knowing tells me whichever direction I go, it’s ok. It’s a confident and clear message and now that I’ve heard it, I want it more and more.
